A drama critic is a person who surprises the playwright by informing him what he meant.
Wilson Mizner

A fellow who is always declaring he's no fool usually has his suspicions.
Wilson Mizner

A good listener is not only popular everywhere, but after a while, he knows something.
Wilson Mizner

A slave has but one master. An ambition man, has as many as there are people who helped him get his fortune.
Wilson Mizner

All anger is not sinful, because some degree of it, and on some occasions, is inevitable. But it becomes sinful and contradicts the rule of Scripture when it is conceived upon slight and inadequate provocation, and when it continues long.
Wilson Mizner

Always be nice to people on the way up; because you'll meet the same people on the way down.
Wilson Mizner

Art is science made clear.
Wilson Mizner

Be nice to people on your way up because you'll meet them on your way down.
Wilson Mizner

Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
Wilson Mizner

Do not be desirous of having things done quickly. Do not look at small advantages. Desire to have things done quickly prevents their being done thoroughly. Looking at small advantages prevents great affairs from being accomplished.
Wilson Mizner

Don't talk about yourself; it will be done when you leave.
Wilson Mizner

Failure has gone to his head.
Wilson Mizner

Gambling: The sure way of getting nothing for something.
Wilson Mizner

God help those who do not help themselves.
Wilson Mizner

Hollywood is a sewer with service from the Ritz Carlton.
Wilson Mizner

I can usually judge a fellow by what he laughs at.
Wilson Mizner

I hate careless flattery, the kind that exhausts you in your efforts to believe it.
Wilson Mizner

I know of no sentence that can induce such immediate and brazen lying as the one that begins, 'Have you read - .'
Wilson Mizner

I respect faith, but doubt is what gives you an education.
Wilson Mizner

I'd rather know a square guy than own a square mile.
Wilson Mizner